i broke down and ordered some books from barnes and nobles today. my sister generously lent me a book she received after losing oliver called, empty cradle, broken heart. while it helped a little and touched slightly on miscarriage, it's main focus was on stillbirth and infant loss...something i didn't experience.
grieving the child i never knew
hopefully these will help with my mental healing. again, physically i feel fine. it's the constant thoughts i have about the baby, what happened, did i do something, could i have prevented it, why didn't it want to/couldn't it be part of our family, will it happen again, will we even get pregnant again, consume my every thought of the day. where most people can go to work and push these thoughts and feelings aside, i'm struggling to even concentrate on the job i love so much. not to mention the growing belly of my co-worker and those of the moms-to-be who come in to assist in our research and development are a constant reminder of who i am not and should be right now.
when will i find the time to read these books you ask? hmmm, so glad you did? my sister and i will be heading to the beach for a girl's weekend only (no kids, no hubbies) 7/23-7/26...i read nothing short of 4 books on my beach vacation last summer and that was while watching after anthony and helping corinne with harrison...can i finish 3 by the end of that weekend...absolutely! given the depth of the books and what my sister and i have each gone through these past few months...you can bet we'll be having some pretty deep conversations that long weekend...i wouldn't want to be the ones setting up next to our umbrella!!
Christy, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have a dear friend in Chicago who doesn't have children yet and went through a miscarriage about 18 months ago. She's still dealing with a lot of emotions, but also has issues with her husband. I'm so thankful that you and your two guys are so happy together and get along so well. I will continue praying for you...
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you are going to be able to get away. I have so many friends who have experienced the same loss as you. If you would like for me to connect you, I'd be happy to. I don't know if it will help or if you'd just like for me to butt out. Please know that I am praying for you, and I hope you are able to find peace as soon as possible. Love you!
ReplyDeleteHow did your appt go today? Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteWe hope to see you guys this weekend...don't forget I have your 31 stuff.
Lots of love!