let me get you up to speed on what's been going on since my last post. sorry for the bullet points...it's the quickest way.
* hsg was done on 9.17 (therefore we had to sit out september after already having to sit out august because of a cyst) and everything looked fine. no mis-shaped uterus (so i got that), and tubes are clear. still no explanation as to why the little one didn't stick around longer than 9/10.5 weeks.
* my monthly friend arrived almost 5 days late (i say late although i'm by no means regular - i based the late on my average length cycle)...soooo, after a lot of daydreaming, edd calculating, and trying not to get my hopes up after 3 negative hpt's, the ugly thing reared her ugly head saturday night...i could almost hear her laughing.
* went in to the dr. today to have my cd3 bloodwork and ultrasound done...right ovary...all clear (it could go either way now)...and we struck out (just like the phillies did a couple times tonight)...a whopping huge 3 cm cyst on my left ovary! october is out for us too. they won't prescribe the bcp's to me again because they need to get an accurate fsh reading for me and the bcp's would cause a false reading...so we wait. and wait...and wait. i think the nurse coordinator must have thought i lost it, because when she told me i just stood up and said, well, thanks...see you next month. no tears, no awww shucks. i'm just done.
* i'm starting to re-think this whole only-child thing...my friend shannon is an "only" and she turned out just fine! :-) i just don't know how much more of this i can handle.
* i've been completely off the zoloft now for over 2 months and feel fine as far as my sadness...but i'll tell you what...the anxiety is starting to get to me. as much as i love christmas and seeing tony enjoy it so, i am honestly just dreading it this year. as december draws closer, i just get this lump in my throat pit in my stomach and want to run the other way from the calendar when i see that white-out mark of what should have been.
Monday, October 12, 2009
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As I said before I am so sorry. It actually sucks so much. I hate that we have to live our lives by the calendar and pray our bodies do what they are suppost to do.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure why they made you wait after you ahd your HSG to try, did you ave a cyst then too? B/c I was allowed to TTC the cycle I had my hsg I also got pregnant with Camryn. Did I miss why that was?
I am sure Deb and Robin completely understand your frustration, I think they understand more then we will ever know.
I also had my moments of thinking Avery woudl be an only child, Dh and I thought of all the cool stuff we could do with our only child that we could not do with two. But for me it was very important for us to grow our family. My nephew is an only child and he is so amazing as a person. Never felt he was an only child b/c he had my sister and I around all the time. I know how madly you want this and you deserve this, so please do not give up. It will happen I just know it, and even though it is hard to hear that, (believe me I know) it is true. HUGS to you!
Stay strong mama....I have faith that your beautiful family will be blessed once again. Remember 2010 is YOUR year!
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