we had our 2 wk post op appointment on wednesday where we found out...
absolutely nothing.
they ran tests to confirm that they removed what they were supposed to remove and that it was in fact "fetal tissue", but no one ordered/ran the kerotyping to check for any chromosomal abnormalities, so we know absolutely nothing more than we did the day we found out - 3 weeks today. who knows what happened. "miscommunication" or something i'm sure.
to say i'm disappointed is an understatement. however, either i'm thoroughly enjoying my new friend, or i'm just handling it really well. i guess it's because i didn't ever expect to find out anything given my "winning streak" of current events. why would something go my way.
i have to say i'm no more worried not having any chromosomal answers now, then i was before, or probably would have been the next time anyway. to say i will be a complete basket case (yes, more so than this past time) should we be blessed again is the understatement of the century!
but the biggest upset was the fact that we will never know the gender of the baby. to me, knowing that small piece of non-essential information (in the big picture) would have made this baby seem "more real" to me. at times i almost think that (aside from the surgery aspect of things), i dreamt up this whole baby/pregnancy thing...like i wanted it soooo badly i totally created it in my mind. somehow knowing what was inside of me, to me anyway, would have made it all the more real. not that we would have named it or anything, but we could have come up with some sort of gender specific "nickname" if you will, so as to avoid having to refer to it as...well it.
that's all i have. we were told to again, wait 2 cycles ("monthly friends") before "trying" again...aka, injecting my gut full of meds and every-other-day ultrasounds and bloodwork. i am to call dr. p and "get on the schedule" to see him before that time.
Friday, June 12, 2009
zip. zero. zilch.
Labels:
healing,
lab results,
medications,
miscarriage,
pregnancy,
secondary infertility
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I hate that things are like this for you. :( Things just don't make sense and don't seem fair sometimes.
ReplyDeletePraying that these two cycles move quickly so you can get back on the saddle, err, stirrups again. *hugs*
Sorry sweetie, Why did they NOT run any tests, is that NOT standard procedure? I would question that.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I plan on writing my letter to Dr P and DR M next week to see about possibility starting a support group, wish me luck!
Christy,
ReplyDeleteMy parents lost a baby when I was five years old. My mom was between 4 and 5 months pregnant. She had to go through delivery knowing that the baby had died. They did not know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, but they 'felt' it was a boy. While we have rarely talked about the baby as it brings much sadness to the surface, we all refer to him as Wesley. If the baby would have been a boy, his name would have been Wesley Benjamin. That's what we call him. Although I never met him, I was old enough to understand what happened. It helps me to think of that baby as my brother, Wesley instead of an 'it'.
My dear friend Bobbi sent me this via email. She was trying to post as a comment and for some reason blogger was being a bugger:
ReplyDeleteI read this post a gazillion times over and haven't comment because just don't know what to say. I feel your pain even though I've never experienced such loss. As a dear friend, I want to take the pain away. I want to see you and John have a healthy baby some day (some day soon)...you deserve to be happy. Even more so, you deserve to share you love with another beautiful child.
I guess what I want to say is, keep the faith because the journey is not over. You just hit a bump in the road. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and hit the road running again.
I just know that 2010 is YOUR year!
I hope to see you soon- lots of LOVE! :) Bobbi