14dpo...

and losing hope while still trying to remain positive. i guess this is where the comparison to a "rollercoaster" comes into play.

the peestick gods are playing tricks on me. i've been seeing very faint lines since monday...as of that evening i felt sure that the booster from 6dpo was out of my system and that anything after that shows positive was all baby...

well tuesday, 4 positives (yes, 4...do not judge)...yesterday, 2 positives...today...

today...

2 negatives. yep. negatives.

my beta was this morning instead of tomorrow (moved up because of the snow). took them 3 sticks and "needle moving" (geez, why do they need to do that) before they actually got any blood...i'm taking that as a bad omen.

the call will come in this afternoon...probably around 3 or later. i'm actually shaking and on the verge of getting sick i'm so nervous.

as ok as i was with last month's cycle not turning out as i'd have liked...i am downright devastated at the likely-hood that this will turn out the same. this cycle was perfect in every way and i remained positive up until this very moment.

however the overwhelming sense of fear that i have right now and devastation i am feeling is cause for some major waterworks that i just can't stop.

ugh. at least when i get the results and we're snowed in the next two days i can drown my sorrows in a few good bottles of wine. that's a positive.