6dpo - let the psycho-ness settle in

sooo. i think this cycle worked. like really think it worked.

i of course, have no confirmation of this other than the fact that i had a great size follie (20mm - biggest one in any cycle)...yeah, it was only one...but a rockstar size none-the-less. my estrogen was through the roof at trigger/ovulation and our, ah-hem, "timing" was excellent. my upper-body lady bits are waaaay sorer (is that even a word) this cycle than in the previous 3 (yes, even including cycle #1 where we were pg) and a lot earlier than before. other symptoms are dry mouth - never had that before, fatigue/insomnia (go hand in hand though being on the progesterone suppositories)...leading me to believe that maybe, just maybe my body and the estrogen boosters are working together to create a cushy little home for a tiny little someone. we do our 2nd and last booster this evening. bloodwork friday to check levels.

do i still have the occasional pang of nervousness and shear terror of the disappointment that lies ahead for even allowing myself to think that i could be pregnant and then finding out it didn't work (again)....ah, duh. like you even need me to answer that.

however i did allow myself a little treat this week that could totally have jinxed me but was oh so worth it. and there is a use for this treat if said pregnancy above that is currently all.in.my.mind because i won't have proof of anything until next week doesn't pan out. Whoah, sorry about that insanely long run-on sentence.

a few years ago, these diaper bags became a hot item. they were in celeb magazines and on mom blogs all over the place. of course...this all came about 2 years after i was looking for the perfect diaper bag while pregant with anthony...i was about to the "don't really need to carry a diaper bag" point of parenting anthony and couldn't justify the hefty price tag. i did however manage to sucker my sister into falling in love with one and quenched my need of making the purchase by gifting her with one for her shower with harrison. she loved it. and loved ppb so much she did...i believe she is now the proud owner of 3 of their bags, plus a sling and stroller blanket. not like i'm keeping track or anything...and hopefully my brother-in-law isn't either.

i kept saying that while i need for nothing should we be blessed with another baby i would totally splurge for a ppb bag. of course, in my nuttiness, it would totally have to match my stroller/car seat combination...because i'm crazy weird like that. i never really gave it much thought as we went through cycle 1, then the miscarriage and then the other 2 cycles...until i saw the bag. the bag style i wanted, in the colors i wanted/needed. i had to have this bag.

have this bag i do.

turns out the "fashion" ladies here at work had a fun day in kop , and purchased this exact bag (my bag) as one of their "fashion samples" for "inspiration/trend watching". there it was, sitting in c & b's office. i made it known to them that i would sell my first born gladly pay them for the bag, but that i had to have it, although i didn't have a need for it (just yet anyway).

guess what little surprise was waiting on my desk yesterday when i came in! woot!

so, again, could i have potentially jinxed myself? maybe? do i think that i might actually need it soon? i'm thinking so. i'm hoping so. and i'm remaining positive about it too.

if not, once i toss the stroller clips, changing pad and wipe case out of it, i'll be rockin' a sweet new purse? you won't tell anyone what it really is, right?