new year!

happy new year!

i'm back....

and i feel better than i have in a while. i have a positive outlook that 2010 is going to be a great year!

in an effort to "clean things up around here", i got rid of the timelines on the right from cycle 1 and cycle 2 and replaced them with links where you can read them...otherwise my sidebar would have become a novel in itself.

ok, now to bring you up to speed...

after the fail of cycle #2 in november/december...i began seeing a therapist and went back on the zoloft. it was a pretty dark time for me and i had a hard time even getting into the holiday spirit (putting up tree, decorating the house, etc.)...honestly if not for anthony, i would have spent that holiday in bed.

once the meds kicked in and i saw the therapist a few times, i was able to remind myself what a blessing i was already given and that regardless if we ever have another child...i have one miracle already! the house was decorated, tree up and presents shopped for...only one important date to get through before we could celebrate christmas...the due date.

baby d's due date was to be 12.13.09...and honestly, the build up to that day was much (much) worse than the day itself. john and i sponsored bulletins in church that day "to the glory of all god's children"...and a nice surprise was that my mom and dad also sponsored bulletins "in honor of their grandchildren". it didn't spell out just who they were, but i knew, as did my sister, that it included oliver and our baby as well as anthony and harrison.

the day came and went...really just like every other day. i thought about the baby (as i do every day), but it really wasn't as horrible as i thought it would be. i spent an awesome day with john and anthony!

christmas was easier too than i thought it would be...i did think several times about how there should have been 4 of us around our tree that morning, and seeing the 3 stockings did sting a bit, but it was a great, relaxing day where we were able to enjoy the holiday and our families!

we are in the new year...and you'll notice on the sidebar where i've consolidated the other 2 cycles nice and tidy, i've added cycle #3...yep, we are going again! and things are going well so far. again - i have a new positive outlook for 2010. it's going to be a good year. come along for the ride if you like!