12w...they're back...

the nerves that is.

for some reason, i thought i would make it to 12 weeks and all my nerves would be gone.

uh. no.

while some consider 12 weeks to be the end of the first tri, beginning of the 2nd, many others consider the end of the 12 weeks/beginning of the 13th to be the accurate timing. various "charts" and "calendars" say various things. my self-imposed next milestone was getting to week 12.

well here i am. so why now, am i more nervous than i have been the last, say, 2 or 3 weeks? i don't know. again, i have no reason to believe that everything is going well. but for some reason i just don't feel "right". i know that while pregnant i am not going to feel like myself...but every little twinge/ache/pain has my mind racing.

i go monday for our nt scan and bloodwork (first 2 steps of the 3 step sequential screening) and just can't shake the feeling that we'll get there and find out something happened and we won't find a heartbeat. i think part of my insecurity with this despite hearing a strong heartbeat 3-4 times now and measuring right on/a week ahead depending on which due date was being used) is just because of my history with the miscarriage, partly because it's been since 7/2 (2 weeks today) that we last heard or saw the bug, and the terror that if something does happen...this is it for us. we are done.

i'm freaking out a little bit.

i'm so so tempted to call the dr. and see if they can get me in this afternoon, but i keep talking myself out of it and telling myself everything is fine...drink more water.

this weekend just might be the longest.weekend.in.my.life.